Excerpt:
He realized what I was trying to do. He came to the point.
‘Let’s stop playing games, Johnnie. How long have we shared the flat?’
‘About two months or more.’
‘Within that time, I’ve become progressively more aware of it. I’ve carried out my own private tests, if that doesn’t sound too silly. I’ve watched you; checked your reactions; and now I’m fairly sure about it. Perhaps more than fairly sure when we come right down to it. At Hampstead you showed certain signs, certain signs, shall I say, of latency. I watched you carefully, but still I wasn’t sure.’
‘Watching me? What for?’ Another stupid thrust.
‘I watched closely for a long time, mark you, not wanting to encourage it or influence it either way. Naturally, I’ve been made extremely happy by your coming to share the flat with me; and I’d rather have it that way than have you still living undercover with Fiona. I’m trying to be as frank as possible, I hope you understand, Johnnie?’
‘So that’s it, Dick?’
‘What?’
‘You think that my total or nearly total rejection of Fiona’s advances is the proof you’ve been waiting for, eh?’
‘Now, don’t be silly. Of course not. It’s, not as simple as all that, and you jolly well know it.’
‘All right. Suppose you tell me how different it is to be truly homosexual and how difficult it is for one to become aware and certain of another, especially another who doesn’t know he is.
Tell me that, now!’
‘Don’t shout, you’ll have Laura barging in here and telling us not to sit on her highly polished furniture; you know what she’s like.’
Copyright © 1960, 2009; Andrew Salkey Estate. Reprinted by permission of Peepal Tree Press.